the beach

I absolutely love the beach. I love everything about it. The weather and all that it entails: the salty air, the cool ocean breeze, the overcast days which usually clear up and it ends up being the most fabulous sunny day. Every year we are here, I imagine my life by the beach, living and being so close to where land and water meet. Maybe its living in a desert that helps me appreciate the moisture from the sea so very much. As it happens that we are in a drought practically every year, conserving the precious resource of water, being careful when washing your car, or watering your lawn and plants...it is extremely refreshing being so close to the pacific ocean. But California as a state has so many political problems...with the state being out of money...lots of issues with the budget, and then the recent election last year with prop. 8 (that was a definite positive, so glad the majority gets that marriage is between a man and a woman!! hello!!!!!!!!).

Despite the craziness going on in the state, I still wouldn't mind being a resident one day. It seems no matter where you live these days, there will always be problems, and as long as you can make your home a heaven on earth, and teach your children in the home morals and values. After all, I live in 'sin city' of all places and feel our quality of life is quite high. Go figure!!

I forgot my adaptor to upload pictures onto my computer, so I'll have plenty more posts of our fun to come!

Father's Day

I wanted to wish my man a Happy Father's day. He has been so wonderful to me. I am so grateful for all his help through this miscarriage. He has stepped right in and done so much extra for me....handling the kids and keeping them happy, fed, bathed, clothed, and rested! Thanks babe for being there for me. And not to mention all your hard work everyday to make our fun vacations a reality! This has been such a pleasant, relaxing trip and I can't express my gratitude enough.

I wanted to wish the other men in my life a Happy day too...my grandpa, for the wonderful example of compassion and charity he has been in my life. Recently, he has had some injuries and he had to go in for back surgery. It went well and he can live without pain now. Watching grandpa take care of us and his patients, doing his rounds at the hospital, and witnessing him give so much of his time to those in need has helped me to see how Christ-like he is.

And to my own dad, for your wonderful example in the gospel, for being such a pillar of strength, giving me the tools in life to be happy, and even leaning on his testimony in my youth. You have been so wonderful to me and my little family, and I can't thank him enough.

To all the men in my life, I love you tons...hope you have a wonderful Father's Day!!

post op/paradise

So, I made it through the surgery. I'm actually feeling OK, just the cramping is getting annoying (yeah for motrin), but I have to say how grateful I am that the anesthesia didn't make me vomit today (its done so in the past, so what a relief!). I'm grateful for talented, caring Doctors that put themselves through rigorous schooling, testing and so much training. As I was coming out of it this morning, I felt so much gratitude towards the nurses and doctors for taking such good care of me. I just had to keep telling those helping me, "Thank you".

I got a little emotional as I was lying in my bed before they were to wheel me off to the OR. The nurses putting in my I.V. were very compassionate and told me how sorry they were for me. I appreciated it, but I really didn't want to cry more than I already have. But that's me, I usually can't hold back the tears, thanks to some extra hormones in my body that lessen my control on the tear factor.

Since the surgery, I haven't felt extremely emotional or sorry for myself. I hope the Lord will continue to bless me with this attitude of recovery. I'm not one to pity myself. I like to make and reach goals and that really helps pull me out of the dumps when occasionally I find myself there. It's like the wonderful hymn, "Count your many blessings". So cross your fingers for me, or keep a prayer in your heart, that I can stay positive.

We are headed to paradise tomorrow...at least the paradise that will take me by car. (if we were to go by plane, now that would be a completely different paradise...but still include the ocean and sand).

I love Orange County, Anaheim, Capistrano, Dana Point, San Clemente...love it all. So, here we come...please be as pleasant as I remember...I only ask that the weather will be moderate with few to zero heat waves....but that might be pushing my luck...I'll just soak it all in...even if its a little on the steam-room side. How can you complain when you're in paradise anyway?

going under

yes, I am going under the knife tomorrow. I'm not thrilled, but I really am ready to get this behind me. I wanted to thank everyone for your kind words, it gives me a lot of comfort and I appreciate all of your thoughtfulness. It sure helps to know I'm not the only one who has had to go through a miscarriage. So thank you.

I'm not looking forward to being put under anesthesia, that part is the worst, trying to get it out of your system afterwards...yuck! The D&C is an outpatient thing, so at least I get to go home and try to purge all the heavy drugs out of my body while in the comfort of my own home. My mom is so wonderful, she's letting the kids sleep over tonight because I have to be at the hospital at 6:30 in the morning. Can you imagine trying to get up an hour and a half earlier, to get the entire family out of the house by a quarter to 6? No thanks.

There is good and bad to having surgery...the good, we are leaving on our annual beach vacation on Thursday...the bad, I only have one day to get back on my feet before we head down to Southern Cali. The Doctor tried to get me in earlier but there was a C-section scheduled in front of me. What can you do, right?

We are first staying in Anaheim to play at Disneyland, Mark found a hotel room through hotwire.com for only $66, and guess what hotel it ended up being...the Hyatt!! We were only shooting for a 3 1/2 star room, but I'll take the Hyatt any day of the week!! Then after our jaunt through the happiest place on earth, we move on to our beach house!

So recovering down at the beach will be wonderful. I love the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, the seagulls above the sea...for some reason, I don't mind the noise of seagulls. Maybe because our beach trip is one week out of the year and whenever I hear them it takes me back. I could inhale the salty sea air for the rest of my life!! And I can't resist the moisture in the air that softens my skin and curls my hair, and makes Bryanna's coil up even more. One day, we will have a place by the beach, whether to plant ourselves permanently or not...one day.

As for today, I'm psyching myself up for the adventure in the hospital tomorrow. Or, better yet, I've been keeping myself busy so I don't have to even think, and just do.

An answer to many questions

Today I had my first Dr's appt. for my pregnancy. I wasn't nervous, just wanted to finally see the growing baby in my tummy. But when the Nurse Practitioner was doing the exam, there was no baby! I am really sad that the baby didn't make it, but for some reason I wasn't completely shocked. I kind of had a feeling that something wasn't quite right, but only since Sunday. I would rather have a miscarriage early on than any later in the pregnancy. Plus, I feel comfort knowing things happen for a reason. Of course, I don't know the reason, but maybe in the next life, there will be an explanation. I was due Jan 5th and I was 10 weeks.

I had to get an ultrasound just to make sure that the Nurse didn't miss anything. Sure enough, there was no baby. It measured to be six weeks in size, but you can never know exactly when the fetus dies. And after it dies, it starts to shrink. So it could have been even last week that the fetus stopped developing. There was the sac though, and it looked as though my body will be able to take care of it naturally. I really hope it won't be too painful. I haven't started any bleeding yet, and that's what I think the Nurse was confused about the most. So I'm anticipating a few bad days this week and maybe even next week.

I'm grateful for Mark, a worthy priesthood holder, and the blessings he gives me to offer peace and comfort during a time like this. I know things will work out and that we will be able to get pregnant again later this year. When things like this happen, it makes me even more grateful for the healthy kids I already have and the wonderful blessing they are to me.

Dance Recital

Mommy & the Ballerina!

Pretty Princess
The Ballerina's Biggest Fans!! Bumpa, Mimi, Daddy, Brother (who surprisingly paid close attention and enjoyed watching all the dancers!!)
I think its time to get a new camera, she really was so adorable on stage, she's the middle (tall) girl!
Mimi & Bumpa took us all out to dinner afterwards to celebrate the recital! It was so fun!! Great job, Bryanna, you are turning into a wonderful little dancer!

wedding

One of my best friends, Sarah, got married this weekend. I couldn't be happier. She has found the love of her life, and they are such a perfect match, its really quite wonderful to see how happy they are. Sarah and I have been friends since our freshman year at USU (12 years ago!) We both served missions in Japan, and we were in the MTC the same time. Actually, there were four of us who went to USU our Junior year, turned 21, decided to serve a mission and we all got called to Japan, and we were in the MTC together!! Isn't that pretty crazy?!?!? We all went to different missions though, and wrote each other through out that time. I'll have to dig out some pictures from way back when. It really was such a special time in our lives, and I think its even more unique the longer I've been home and think that we are still all friends!!

The Bride, Sarah, and me!

Bryanna, with the Princess Bride!! Bryanna absolutely loved Sarah and her beautiful dress!

Summer (also a USU roommate and good friend), Sarah, Me, Anna (fellow MTC missionary going to Japan!!), Bryanna
It was so fantastic to see everyone again, catch up and especially celebrate with Sarah on her marriage. These girls are some of my best friends, and they are so real. I wished we all were neighbors, and could hang out so our children could play together! We are all so completely different, yet similar. We can relate to each other so well! I just love being with these girls.

Leaving the reception in a carriage, a very romantic way to escape to the Honeymoon!!

I love the Salt Lake Temple, it is gorgeous, and majestic. I can feel the power of the Lord and a sense of reverence for the Savior whenever I see the Temple.

We went and grabbed some ice cream after the reception...Maddox playing pirate with his cone. What a silly little boy!

Aunt Katie, Bryanna, Maddox, Uncle Casey. Actually, Mark served a mission with Casey, there is no blood relation, but the friendship is tighter than any blood connection! We love hanging out with the Fords!! After we left, Bryanna asked Mark is Uncle Casey could come over to our house and play. I'd say that's a pretty huge compliment!!

A family picture, few and far between!

The car ride home was much better than the car ride to Utah. They were so tired from the trip, they slept beautifully!!

Except this one looks a little on the uncomfortable side! I think she was so tired, it didn't matter how she was laying!!

OK, all our Utah friends, we want you to come down and visit us!! We loved seeing and hanging out with you, come down to Vegas and we'll do it again!

buddy

Bryanna had one of her favorite friends over to play today!! They had a grand ol' time playing out back in the sprinklers and the wet trampoline!

Summer+ friends+ water= a good time!!

new skill

My little Bryanna is more than ready to start writing her ABC's and putting letters into words. We've been working on recognition and matching letters. Just a few days ago, she was drawing and asked how to spell my name. She already knows her own name, so I thought it was so cute that she wanted to spell mine!!

Her name!

cute Maddox boy...talking like a champ! (and a dirty face!!)

the 'writer'!!

How legible is that? I haven't worked with her at all in writing, I thought it was pretty amazing!